just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
