guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize