Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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