Too much gin, very little bucket
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
