I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
