my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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