Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
