You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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