I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
did i just pee glitter
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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