I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Panties = found
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
