I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
