Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize