Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
