my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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