I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
