Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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