There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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