I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
