A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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