I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
