I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
