I CAN MOONWALK!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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