I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You left your phone here
Wait...
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