My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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