you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
