Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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