brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
