You just made me feel so damn special
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
