we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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