Where is the hickey?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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