she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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