Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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