its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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