You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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