this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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