Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are we in a gay sports bar?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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