this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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