we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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