glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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