i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
