on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
