Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
