she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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