All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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