Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
