i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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