What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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