he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
