Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
