If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have aggressive nipples.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
