he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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