I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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