Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
