Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
