I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
