I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize