So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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