"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
