On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
