You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
