i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
