Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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