So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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