Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So much rum. So many feels.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize