I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
