So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize