pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
