i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
