Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
