Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
