The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Its about making memories worth repressing
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
