The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
