Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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